All things speak directly to the heart, all we have to do is be aware and listen.
When symbolism speaks, open not only your mind, but your heart as well.
Finding sleep was hard. There was several nights that I stood in front of a tower oddly staring at a structure that meant nothing. I questioned why it would continue to reappear at random times on random nights. I have always been amazed at a lighthouses capability to guide. It serves as a beacon that is capable of protecting, creating awareness, and calling loved ones home.
Through hard times and disturbing dreams I sat in different bodies of water contemplating whether or not an effort was worth it anymore. I would wake up from these nightmares wishing that I would not become tired enough to fall back asleep. I was thrown back into them the second I closed my eyes. This went on many times until I forced myself to understand the reasoning behind my mind pushing this on me. I approached this structure knowing that I was petrified of what it could be trying to tell me that would torment me more than the misery I had already created for myself. Why would I approach something that does not offer a clear message when I cant find one to begin with? When I arrived at a door that had been swung open with darkness spewing out, I went on. I could not find the heart to care anymore about danger, because nothing scared me more than myself. When entering this lighthouse I saw every demon I had in full form, step in front of me and try with all their strength to keep me from finding whatever it was that this beautiful icon needed to say. I broke through with whatever I had left, not knowing nor caring about what was to come.
There is no way of explaining what sitting in such a dark place is like when you look horizontally at everything that you have already seen for so long. This was it, my heart sank into my feet and I had finally completely given up. I slammed myself against the wall and knocked myself out with every bit of not wanting to return. When you wake up from a hell so deep, you run through cycles in your mind of trying to fall back asleep to change the next time you woke up. I woke up from a coma within not wanting to, and that is when everything came to me that was needed to tell me that I had a reason to be here. I look vertically into a light so bright through a cracked and broken floor, that all I wanted was to climb with no understanding to see it and look into something instead of never ending nothing. I got to the top with many slips and falls along the way, but when I finally did, a life altering message was shown that will be the only thing that matters for the rest of my time on this planet.
The message stemming from the lighthouse was not looking into the light it emits. It was about turning around and seeing all that it touches, and all that it represents. Standing there within myself, I cried so loudly. I knew that everything evil within me was being forced out by the reawakening of purpose, love, and most importantly an understanding of who I am and what I here to do. We as humans get tired, become frustrated, and feel defeated. The days I sat outside of that lighthouse staring and wondering, are the days that I wish I could take back by giving my heart a chance to guide me home. It does not always take words to speak meaning. There is no promise to what is on the other side of anything, but I can tell you from experience that if you do not try to escape where you are, you will sit there forever and never know.
What will you do today to trust your heart to guide the way, while not questioning its purpose in doing so?
